The Age of Bland?

Finally, it’s Friday and I’m off for the weekend.  It was a fairly busy week at work, one of my buyers was in to see me and that created some stress although not of the bad sort.  I’m doing my job and apparently doing it decently.  After work today I went out and decided it was time to trim the mop growing out of my skull and then I headed over to the mall to pick up something for the folks.  Oh My God.  I’ve never really been a big fan of malls.  I don’t go into them unless absolutely necessary and really the mall up here started out with a bang but it has really become a shithole.  I figured while I was there I would take a look around and maybe pick up a pair of jeans.  I recently wore out the knee in a pair that I liked and figured I could spend a little money on a new pair.  I was wrong.

First, just walking in there I felt old.  Keep in mind it’s a school day and about 1PM so kids should be in school right?  HA, not a chance.  They are everywhere.  I already don’t like that.  I had to be in school until at least 3PM 5 days a week, is that not the norm anymore?  Are there that many drop outs up here?  Next I headed over to TJ Max and I did not find a SINGLE pair of jeans that did not have shit all over it or was torn or chemically aged, or faded or whatever the hell else.  Big (I mean HUGE) sewn in patterns of who knows what plastered across the butt on many pairs, wild patterns in the stitching, GAPING holes in the jeans, some in uncomfortable places.  What the hell happened to fashion lately?  When did grunge come back?  Or did it just never go away?  All I wanted was a slightly faded pair of jeans with no holes and no funky designs on them.  Could I get it at TJ Max?  Nope.

I figured at that point it was just my selection of stores.  I always liked TJ Max because you used to be able to find designer clothing at reduced prices.  Next I tried American Eagle Outfitters.  Again, I have generally liked their clothing in the past but they too had no jeans at all that did not have the same issues as what I had seen before.  They all looked horrible to me.  Why would I want to dress like that?  Lord knows I can’t dress that way at work.  And, why would I want to pay $60 for a pair of designer jeans with holes all over them?  OK, next stop JC Penney.

No luck here either.  Whatever the designers are thinking this year in fashion have completely lost me.  Again, why would I want to pay $40-$60 for grungy jeans.  Amazing.  The only thing I could find today were a few jackets that I liked and I don’t need any more freakin jackets!!!  Everything else looked like it belonged on someone half my age.  If this is what it means to get old, dam it’s going to be a bumpy ride.

Now, before you go all ballistic on me, I too wanted to fit in with the crowd, wear really random ass clothing, and pretend that I just came out of a fashion magazine.  I don’t fault or blame kids today for wanting to do the same thing and in fact I would encourage it simply because it gives them an identity…or at least a path to discovering one.  BUT can someone please tell me where I can find a nice pair of jeans (that aren’t so cheap they will fall apart after 3 washes) and that are not designed for generation WHY?  A person can only own so much GAP clothing (they are the only store up here that maintains more of the “preppy” style which I can get away with at work).  Do Calvin Klein, DKNY, Perry Ellis and some of the other designer lines make anything any more that might hide my knee cap not allow it to get sunburn?

I know, I’m old, get over it right?  I guess my only option is to lose about 40lbs and start making another $40K a year  so I can fit into and then actually afford Banana Republic clothing since that’s about the only designer line I can stand.  At that, I can’t even buy their stuff up here, you know up in redneck land they think the Banana Republic is a province in Mexico!  GRRRRRRRRRRRR……