Back in the day, I could have told you right away that I was different.  I had no concept of my sexuality in any significant way before age 13 or 14 but I knew I was not like the other boys my age.  I could not really comfortably label myself as gay before I was 15 or 16 and by age 17 I had simply accepted it for myself even though I didn’t really come out until a year or so after that.  The month of September has been a deadly month for gay kids this year.  In just 30 days, there have been 3 suicides and boy with a broken arm that is continuing to be harassed.

• Seth Walsh, the Bakersfield, CA 13-year-old who hanged himself from a tree in his back yard after years of being bullied, died Tuesday afternoon after nine days on life support. Police investigators interviewed some of the young people who taunted Seth the day he hanged himself. “Several of the kids that we talked to broke down into tears,” Police Chief Jeff Kermode said. “They had never expected an outcome such as this.”
• Asher Brown, 13, an eighth-grader killed himself last week. He shot himself in the head after enduring what his mother and stepfather say was constant harassment from four other students at Hamilton Middle School in the Cypress-Fairbanks Independent School District in Houston Texas. Brown, his family said, was “bullied to death” – picked on for his small size, his religion and because he did not wear designer clothes and shoes. Kids also accused him of being gay, some of them performing mock gay acts on him in his physical education class, his mother and stepfather said.
• Billy (William) Lucas, 15, a student at Greensburg Community High School in Greensburg, IN, was found dead in a barn at his grandmother’s home Thursday evening – he had hanged himself. Friends say that he had been tormented for years. “He was threatened to get beat up every day,” friend and classmate Nick Hughes said. “Sometimes in classes, kids would act like they were going to punch him and stuff and push him. Some people at school called him names,” Hughes said, saying most of those names questioned Lucas’ sexual orientation.
• An Ohio mom is disappointed that her son’s school didn’t do more to stop at least two boys who allegedly picked on her 11-year-old cheerleader son until the bullies beat him so bad they broke his arm.  She says the beating didn’t break his spirit however. Tyler Wilson has vowed to continue cheering with hopes it helps him get into college some day.  ”I’m going to keep going. I’m going to make a lifestyle out of it,” Tyler told ABC News affiliate WTVG.

All 4 of these stories have been getting airtime on the national network news channels.  This sort of thing is nothing new for gay youth.  Every day gay kids are beaten up, harassed, called names and generally tormented because they have identified as gay or others PERCEIVE them to be so.  It’s easy now as an adult to simply ignore all of this and that’s why I’m writing this post.  It shouldn’t be ignored.  I get really angry when I hear that another kid killed himself because he was fed up with being bullied over his sexual orientation.  That kid might have been me.

The memories I have left of grade school and middle school (with certain exceptions for my time at ABS) are not good ones for me.  We are again talking about a different time and a different era but I was routinely picked on at school by certain kids.  My involvement in music was a constant source of ridicule and teasing even into high school.  I was a sissy for being able to sing or play the piano, or I was just a dumbass for not getting into playing football on the playground.  I was fortunate that despite the daily combative atmosphere I had teachers and more importantly parents that I knew supported me and to whom I knew I could turn if things ever got to a point where I could not deal with it on my own.  It also helped that the kids I hung out with at home were different kids than those I went to school with.  The neighborhood was much different for me than my school life.  I was a pretty independent kid.  I didn’t really care all that much what my peers thought of me and even today, I’m not really all that concerned about what others think of me.  I’m not on this planet to please them or to make them happy.  I’m here for ME and to live MY life.

I don’t really know the demographics of the people who read my blog but I know there are more people reading this than just my parents.  Some of you might be gay kids, some of you might be gay adults, some of you might be straight conservative Christians.  I don’t know.  What I do want to say though is that I would be lying if I did not admit that during my youth I contemplated the idea of suicide.  Growing up is not an easy thing to do and I’d be hiding the truth if I could not admit that I disliked 2/3 of my childhood experiences outside of my house.  It’s that other 1/3 though that has made me into the adult I am today.  Those experiences I had as a kid, especially the experiences that made me feel good about myself and about my life, shaped me into who I am today: someone that tries very hard whenever I’m given the chance to give a shit about the lives of other people.  My life got better and better as I grew up and as I got out of school and started living my own life.  And even today, each day is a new challenge and a new adventure and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

It’s very hard for adult gay males to be involved with kids in any significant way.  It’s easier now than it used to be but straight society STILL sees us (especially men) as sex obsessed predators.  That’s a HUGE reason for why I got out of education and why I gave up my work with the boychoir.  It doesn’t matter how good a person I present myself to be, the assumption always is that it’s just not a good idea for me (gay men) to be around kids.  Even if I had the support of 99% of the parents of the kids I worked with, the 1% who couldn’t deal with it could potentially destroy a career over no other reason than their own bigotry and ignorance.  I wanted nothing more to do with that atmosphere.  Why was I continuing to try and live my own life by their standards for so long?

One of the things that I was missing in my childhood and the childhood of these kids who have killed themselves this past month was a healthy gay adult role model that was visible.  There was nobody I could look at and say “he turned out OK, maybe I can too” during those times when I was getting picked on for whatever reason.  I had the support of my parents and all these kids may well have had the support of their parents, but all of us left behind stories of being different and singled out.  The difference was that people intervened in my life at different times as I grew up and kept me going in the right direction, those boys were never given the chance to develop an idea that their lives might just get better if they just stuck it out a little longer.  Nobody helped those kids or their parents deal with what they were going through, nobody recognized the problem because homophobia and ignorance are still the rule, not the exception.  This has to change in our society.  Gay kids are not going to just go away and neither are gay adults.  This fear and ignorance has to be dealt with if we are ever to see a slow down in suicide rates.  If you didn’t already know, gay and questioning kids are 4 times more likely than their straight peers to commit suicide and 9 out of 10 gay kids report regular harassment in their schools for being gay or from others perceiving them to be gay.  I’ve posted these statistics before.  They are very reviling and very disturbing.

So I’m going to end this post with a video of a new project that has been started online.  Much like the internet, this sort of thing never existed when I was growing up and after spending some time watching these videos of people my age re-telling their stories of growing up gay, I wish something like this had been around for me.  It might have made things easier for me to deal with.  This project won’t bring back the 3 boys that took their own lives this past month but it’s a step in the right direction and maybe a small bit of hope for all those gay kids who have no support system and nobody to talk to.

If you are a kid or young adult reading this blog, there is a link on the sidebar to the Trevor Project.  Visit that web site and know that there is someone available for you 24/7 every day of the year.  Watch the intro vid for the “It Get’s Better Project” below and then click the video to go watch more on YouTube.  I won’t ever do a video cast of myself, this blog post will serve as my entry.

It Gets Better Project

“I have described myself as being ‘gently eccentric’ and slightly different as a person just because I’ve had a very different set of influences growing up than anybody else in my peer group did. I think it’s important for somebody from a big, commercial movie series like Harry Potter and particularly because I am not gay or bisexual or transgendered. The fact that I am straight makes not a difference, but it shows that straight people are incredibly interested and care a lot about this as well.” - Daniel Radcliffe, speaking from the NYC headquarters of the LGBT teen suicide prevention hot-line The Trevor Project, for whom he has just made a promotional film.

15 years ago when I was in high school, there were no major Hollywood celebrities willing to step up to the plate and go to bat for me.  Those who did were on the fringes.  For me personally, I’m not sure it would had much of an influence in my life, I was never a big celebrity follower but here we have Harry Potter, entirely straight with a HUGE following, and willing to put his money where his mouth is.  The Trevor Project was founded not long after I got out of high school and there is a link to it on my sidebar here on this blog.  It’s one of the few charities that I’d consider making a donation to.  Perhaps you might as well.

You all know that I don’t write just for my audience, this blog is nearly 3 years old now and I’ve used it for a number of reasons to document the times that we are all living in.  Yes, it does have a slant towards issues that are important to me and it should, after all, I pay money each month for web space to do with whatever I want.  More importantly though, this blog is my way of being politically active, regardless of the fact that nearly all my readers share most of my views, it’s likely that I will say something or even post something from elsewhere that you had not seen before or perhaps never considered.  I consider this blog my history book, something that I can go back to in 20 years and understand what it meant to be living in 2010!

Anyhow, I’m re-posting the opening statement below for you to read.  It lays out exactly what this trial will be about, what is at stake, who is involved, and why it is important.  I will post more as time permits and as the trial develops.

Text of Ted Olson’s Opening Statement in Prop 8 Trial as Prepared

The federal trial over the unconstitutionality of Proposition 8 began today with an opening statement by attorney Theodore Olson, who with David Boies is leading the legal team assembled by the American Foundation for Equal Rights to litigate the case Perry v. Schwarzenegger. Opening statements will be followed by testimony from Kris Perry, Sandy Stier, Paul Katami and Jeff Zarrillo, who comprise two couples who wish to be married but who were denied marriage licenses because of Proposition 8.

After the opening statement David Boies gave the direct examination of Jeff Zarrillo and Paul Katami.

OPENING STATEMENT
(as prepared)

This case is about marriage and equality.  Plaintiffs are being denied both the right to marry, and the right to equality under the law.

The Supreme Court of the United States has repeatedly described the right to marriage as “one of the vital personal rights essential to the orderly pursuit of happiness by free men;” a “basic civil right;” a component of the constitutional rights to liberty, privacy, association, and intimate choice; an expression of emotional support and public commitment; the exercise of spiritual unity; and a fulfillment of one’s self.

In short, in the words of the highest court in the land, marriage is “the most important relation in life,” and “of fundamental importance for all individuals.”

As the witnesses in this case will elaborate, marriage is central to life in America.  It promotes mental, physical and emotional health and the economic strength and stability of those who enter into a marital union.  It is the building block of family, neighborhood and community.  The California Supreme Court has declared that the right to marry is of “central importance to an individual’s opportunity to live a happy, meaningful, and satisfying life as a full member of society.”

Proposition 8 ended the dream of marriage, the most important relation in life, for the plaintiffs and hundreds of thousands of Californians.

___________________________________

In May of 2008, the California Supreme Court concluded that under this State’s Constitution, the right to marry a person of one’s choice extended to all individuals, regardless of sexual orientation, and was available equally to same-sex and opposite-sex couples.

In November of 2008, the voters of California responded to that decision with Proposition 8, amending the State’s Constitution and, on the basis of sexual orientation and sex, slammed the door to marriage to gay and lesbian citizens.

The plaintiffs are two loving couples, American citizens, entitled to equality and due process under our Constitution.  They are in deeply committed, intimate, and longstanding relationships.  They want to marry the person they love; to enter into that “most important relation in life”; to share their dreams with their partners; and to confer the many benefits of marriage on their families.

But Proposition 8 singled out gay men and lesbians as a class, swept away their right to marry, pronounced them unequal, and declared their relationships inferior and less-deserving of respect and dignity.

In the words of the California Supreme Court, eliminating the right of individuals to marry a same-sex partner relegated those individuals to “second class” citizenship, and told them, their families and their neighbors that their love and desire for a sanctioned marital partnership was not worthy of recognition.

During this trial, Plaintiffs and leading experts in the fields of history, psychology, economics and political science will prove three fundamental points:

First – Marriage is vitally important in American society.

Second – By denying gay men and lesbians the right to marry, Proposition 8 works a grievous harm on the plaintiffs and other gay men and lesbians throughout California, and adds yet another chapter to the long history of discrimination they have suffered.

Third – Proposition 8 perpetrates this irreparable, immeasurable, discriminatory harm for no good reason.

I

MARRIAGE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT RELATION IN LIFE

Plaintiffs will present evidence from leading experts, representing some of the finest academic institutions in this country and the world, who will reinforce what the highest courts of California and the United States have already repeatedly said about the importance of marriage in society and the significant benefits that marriage confers on couples, their families, and the community.  Proponents cannot dispute these basic facts.

While marriage has been a revered and important institution throughout the history of this country and this State, it has also evolved to shed irrational, unwarranted, and discriminatory restrictions and limitations that reflected the biases, prejudices or stereotypes of the past.  Marriage laws that disadvantaged women or people of disfavored race or ethnicity have been eliminated.  These changes have come from legislatures and the courts.  Far from harming the institution of marriage, the elimination of discriminatory restrictions on marriage has strengthened the institution, its vitality, and its importance in American society today.

II

PROPOSITION 8 HARMS GAY AND LESBIAN INDIVIDUALS, THEIR CHILDREN AND THEIR COMMUNITIES

Proposition 8 had a simple, straightforward, and devastating purpose:  to withdraw from gay and lesbian people like the Plaintiffs their previously recognized constitutional right to marry.  The official title of the ballot measure said it all: “Eliminates Right of Same-Sex Couples to Marry.”

Proponents of Proposition 8 have insisted that the persons they would foreclose from the institution of marriage have suffered no harm because they have been given the opportunity to form something called a “domestic partnership.”  That is a cruel fiction.

Plaintiffs will describe the harm that they suffer every day because they are prevented from marrying.  And they will describe how demeaning and insulting it can be to be told that they remain free to marry—as long, that is, that they marry someone of the opposite sex instead of the person they love, the companion of their choice.

And the evidence will demonstrate that relegating gay men and lesbians to “domestic partnerships” is to inflict upon them badges of inferiority that forever stigmatize their loving relationships as different, separate, unequal, and less worthy—something akin to a commercial venture, not a loving union.  Indeed, the proponents of Proposition 8 acknowledge that domestic partnerships are not the same as traditional marriage.  Proponents proudly proclaim that, under Proposition 8, the “unique and highly favorable imprimatur” of marriage is reserved to “opposite-sex unions.”

This government-sponsored societal stigmatization causes grave psychological and physical harms to gay men and lesbians and their families.  It increases the likelihood that they will experience discrimination and harassment; it causes immeasurable harm.

Sadly, Proposition 8 is only the most recent chapter in our nation’s long and painful history of discrimination and prejudice against gay and lesbian individuals.  They have been classified as degenerates, targeted by police, harassed in the workplace, censored, demonized, fired from government jobs, excluded from our armed forces, arrested for their private sexual conduct, and repeatedly stripped of their fundamental rights by popular vote.  Although progress has occurred, the roots of discrimination run deep and its impacts spread wide.

III

PROPOSITION 8 HARMS GAY AND LESBIAN INDIVIDUALS FOR NO GOOD REASON

Proposition 8 singles out gay and lesbian individuals alone for exclusion from the institution of marriage.  In California, even convicted murderers and child abusers enjoy the freedom to marry.  As the evidence clearly establishes, this discrimination has been placed in California’s Constitution even though its victims are, and always have been, fully contributing members of our society.   And it excludes gay men and lesbians from the institution of marriage even though the characteristic for which they are targeted—their sexual orientation—like race, sex, and ethnicity, is a fundamental aspect of their identity that they did not choose for themselves and, as the California Supreme Court has found, is highly resistant to change.

The State of California has offered no justification for its decision to eliminate the fundamental right to marry for a segment of its citizens.  And its chief legal officer, the Attorney General, admits that none exists.  And the evidence will show that each of the rationalizations for Proposition 8 invented by its Proponents is wholly without merit.

“Procreation” cannot be a justification inasmuch as Proposition 8 permits marriage by persons who are unable or have no intention of producing children.   Indeed, the institution of civil marriage in this country has never been tied to the procreative capacity of those seeking to marry.

Proposition 8 has no rational relation to the parenting of children because same-sex couples and opposite sex couples are equally permitted to have and raise children in California.  The evidence in this case will demonstrate that gay and lesbian individuals are every bit as capable of being loving, caring and effective parents as heterosexuals.  The quality of a parent is not measured by gender but the content of the heart.

And, as for protecting “traditional marriage,” our opponents “don’t know” how permitting gay and lesbian couples to marry would harm the marriages of opposite-sex couples.  Needless to say, guesswork and speculation is not an adequate justification for discrimination.  In fact, the evidence will demonstrate affirmatively that permitting loving, deeply committed, couples like the plaintiffs to marry has no impact whatsoever upon the marital relationships of others.

When voters in California were urged to enact Proposition 8, they were encouraged to believe that unless Proposition 8 were enacted, anti-gay religious institutions would be closed, gay activists would overwhelm the will of the heterosexual majority, and that children would be taught that it was “acceptable” for gay men and lesbians to marry.  Parents were urged to “protect our children” from that presumably pernicious viewpoint.

At the end of the day, whatever the motives of its Proponents, Proposition 8 enacted an utterly irrational regime to govern entitlement to the fundamental right to marry, consisting now of at least four separate and distinct classes of citizens:  (1) heterosexuals, including convicted criminals, substance abusers and sex offenders, who are permitted to marry; (2) 18,000 same-sex couples married between June and November of 2008,  who are allowed to remain married but may not remarry if they divorce or are widowed; (3) thousands of same-sex couples who were married in certain other states prior to November of 2008, whose marriages are now valid and recognized in California; and, finally (4) all other same-sex couples in California who, like the Plaintiffs, are prohibited from marrying by Proposition 8.

There is no rational justification for this unique pattern of discrimination.  Proposition 8, and the irrational pattern of California’s regulation of marriage which it promulgates, advances no legitimate state interest.  All it does is label gay and lesbian persons as different, inferior, unequal, and disfavored.  And it brands their relationships as not the same, and less-approved than those enjoyed by opposite sex couples.  It stigmatizes gays and lesbians, classifies them as outcasts, and causes needless pain, isolation and humiliation.

It is unconstitutional.